La Raison
by piratequeen24
Summary: This is the finished story, the ending I created. It's just enough to hopefully satisfy those of us who wanted just a little bit more after the ending of the show.
1. Chapter 1

**La raison**

-- _La raison d'être, la raison pour aimer, la raison de survivre pour un autre jour._

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**A/N: This is my first (and probably only) Blood+ story, and it's going to be just a one shot... I could write more, but for the sanity of my readers I think it'd be better just to leave this as is- I'm not so great at updating and keeping focused on one project for very long… so one shots suit me. :) Basically Saya's point of view, but it's in third person. Enjoy!**

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_"She is my reason for being"-_ Haji, episode 43

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_It seems such a long time ago that he said that. _Saya mused as stood and stretched. She'd expected that maybe someone would be waiting here for her awakening. Thirty years had passed like the blink of an eye inside her mind, a mind consumed with thoughts. She'd been thinking about the night Hagi had rescued her from Solomon, the night she'd found out about Diva being pregnant. _They will look about my age now, _Saya mused again. So much will have changed in the world of man; so much about her had changed too. She found clothes folded neatly next to the cocoon she had been subjected to by her only weakness.

As she dressed Saya realized she should not remember most of her past life, had she ever remembered it upon her awakening? It always came back to her but she seldom awoke with such a powerful sense of being, of life. It was almost a curse this time. If she had woken up without memory, she wouldn't mourn the loss of her father, of her brother, or of her favorite chevalier. She had never spent much time without him, probably less than fifteen years of her lifetime. It seemed odd, thinking about it now, that her life would go on without him. Would it ever be that simple, could she ever just live without him?

"I love you." That's what he'd said, she marveled at the words now. Over one hundred years of life with him and he waits to tell her right before he… Saya choked on the word died, unable to let it slip through her thoughts. Blocking out that painful part of her memories Saya realized she was starving, and light headed. She needed blood, she supposed, but didn't know how to go about getting blood. Without a chevalier to feed it to her, would she need to get it from humans?_ Oh, _she thought stupidly_, it seems I do forget some things. Transfusions, I must find David then, or Julia_. She had no idea where to find either one of them, and felt a surge of helplessness standing on top of the big tomb looking across at the ocean. It appeared to be about noon, the sun was high in the sky, and Saya sat down to consider her options. She could go find Kai, probably at the same home she spent a year with him, Riku and their adoptive father George. Saya wanted to be ready for that, she did, but what would he be like? Thirty years would have aged him, and maybe she was not on his mind anymore.

Footsteps echoed and then stopped, Saya tensed and looked up from the spot on the ground she had been focused on. A beautiful girl stood there before her. She looked just like Diva, and therefore just like Saya. They stared at each other for a moment or two before the girl walked closer,

"Saya, my aunt?" A beautiful soprano voice came out; it was like a song. Saya nodded warily and stood.

"You are one of Diva's daughters." She just couldn't think of her as Riku's daughter, it was a painful thought. "Where is your sister?"

"She died almost 25 years ago. She got sick and it overcame her body like wildfire."

Saya suffered momentary shock form the news, she had expected to wake up to twin nieces, two girls who might look up to Saya and live as long as she. But there was only one.

"I'm very sorry to hear that." She said honestly, and they became light headed again. "Might you be able to take me to Julia? I think I need a transfusion as soon as possible."

"Sure." The girl answered serenely, "Would you like some help walking?"

Saya nodded and the girl came over to support some of Saya's weight, "My name is Irene, just so you know." She smiled and then glanced toward the entrance of Saya's tomb, "Don't forget the rose."

Startled Saya looked behind her as Irene walked toward the steps to the tomb and saw her pick up a rose. It was pink with a blue ribbon tied around the stem, and there was a sharp jab in her heart with the memory of a similar rose. Irene handed it to her, silently wrapped an arm around her back and assisted Saya on the long walk down the stairs to the road.

"Do you… do you know who left the rose?" Saya asked.

"I don't, I'm sorry. Kai had an idea, but he wouldn't tell me. It was many years ago I asked though, and to this day the rose has not died. I know not if it is the same rose, never dying, or if it gets replaced every day." Irene smiled.

Saya had to admit it Irene was not only beautiful, but her voice was angelic. She clung to the rose but refused to dwell on it. A gift someone had left her, nothing more, it couldn't be anything more. They got in the car and Saya gazed in a haze out of the car window as they drove along the coastline. Such beautiful and painful memories from the beaches, and there would only be more things to face now that she was home, awake, again.

Irene pulled into a driveway of a house Saya was not familiar with and as she exited the car the world began to spin; Irene noted that they were where Julia lived. After knocking lightly on the door and a familiar, yet different, face appeared before them.

"Saya." An older David said in a pleasant voice raspy with age, and then Saya swooned, the world darkened.

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Saya woke up staring at a ceiling and considered the irony that so soon after a thirty year sleep she would find herself back in bed. She sat up slowly to make sure her world wasn't spinning anymore and looked around. She was alone in a bedroom, strapped up in an IV and wearing different clothes. Feeling well enough to move she slowly slipped the IV out of her arm and got up to exit the room. Right when she got to the door it opened and Julia walked in. She was still tall and elegant regardless of being older, and smiled slightly upon seeing Saya walking around.

"A little impatient to get back to living your life?" she asked, moving around Saya to take care of the IV supplies. Saya looked at her with a blank expression on her face, then moved to stand next to Julia and grabbed her shoulder to get her attention.

"Julia, what do I need to know about this new world? What can you tell me about the people I know?" Saya's tone was a plea; she wanted someone to tell her the things she needed to know subjectively, someone who would not inflict too much emotion into the information. Julia sighed and sat on the end of the bed Saya had been laying on and patted the spot beside her.

"We have a few minutes, David finally dragged the others out of the house so they'd stop fussing." She smiled fondly at the wall and then turned to Saya. "You don't need to know much about the world, nothing huge has changed. Some things are newer, but nothing to concern yourself with. Irene says she told you about the loss of her sister… there was nothing I could do. I am sorry."

"I know you would do all you could do, I understand."

Julia smiled sadly and continued, "Irene is in fine health and very similar to you scientifically speaking; Kai raised her. Kai is alive still, he was very alone for a while but Irene consumed his time. David and I are married and our daughter turned 29 this year. The Red Shield disbanded after you went into your sleep and there have been no troubles since the death of Diva and her chevaliers." Julia paused and looked at the floor, then turned to Saya. "Is there anything else you wish to know?"

There never was much hope, Saya thought to herself. The lack of mention about her chevalier was all the answer she needed about that and tears returned to her eyes.

"I wonder, Kai, did he ever marry?" Saya had just meant to change the subject, but now she wondered about the woman who Kai lived with while she and… her chevalier… had separated themselves from everyone else.

Julia shot a curious look at Saya and smiled, "Thinking of anyone in particular? Mao went off to bigger better things, Monique couldn't wait forever either. Kai consumed himself with Irene. I'm sure you guessed that he named her."

Saya heard the front door open and close somewhere in the house and glanced over at Julia.

"I'm not sure how to go about this; I've never remember everything upon awakening before, at least not that I can recall."

Julia just smiled and walked out of the room and Saya didn't have much of a choice but to follow. She wondered how much David and Kai had changed, and Julia hadn't mentioned Louis, was he okay too? Saya started to a stop at the entry to the room Julia had just walked into. Kai, Irene, David, Louis, Lulu, Mao, and some people she's not familiar with are all sitting in the room, so many people. Kai smiled at her and stood up,

" 'Bout time you got up sis." His voice, like everyone else's, has changed, matured even more. Saya noted. Not sure how to respond all Saya did was smile timidly and glance around the room. She had missed him, hoped he was doing well.

"So much has changed, and yet is still the same."

Louis laughed and welcomed her home and everyone else took his cue to do the same. Kai came over and gave her a hug, along with Louis and Mao. Lulu walked up with a smile,

"I was so glad that Ms. Julia figured out how to keep me alive. It is just as pretty here as you said it was. I missed you while you slept." The little girl smiled up at her, physically unchanged from the passing of time.

"I am glad too." Saya smiled down at her. David walked over too and gave a small smile,

"The world would thank you if even half of them had any idea what you did. But I'll thank you, you did good work Saya."

She just looked up at the man who had kicked her into gear last time she had been awake and smiled. Kai was still standing with Saya and motioned for Irene to come over.

"Saya, I know Irene is the one who brought you here, but I think you could go for a more formal introduction." As Kai had started to talk most other rest of the people filtered into another room, one that Saya assumed was the kitchen based off the delicious smell coming from that direction.

Irene smiled serenely and Saya offered a smile in return.

"You look very much like your mother." Saya offered, admiring her crystalline blue eyes, "your voice is a tribute to her finest quality as well."

"Well," Irene smiled, "I suppose I look like you then hmmm? It's wonderful to finally meet you, someone whom everyone talks so highly about. I've heard stories about the person you are, and some of my youngest memories are of Kai taking my sister and me to where we met yesterday."

Saya started, "It's been a day already? What a waste of my limited time! Sleep will be upon me again before I know it I suppose."

Kai and Irene looked at each other, laughed and then looked back to Saya,

"You'll find," Kai noted, "That Julia's research has much improved. You might never lose another minute to sleep in your life if you're lucky. But never mind that right now, let's go eat, I know you have to be hungry."

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	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks later Saya was looking out on the city from the roof of the house she was living in with Irene and Kai. She was staying with them for now; Saya was still unsure of what her wish was for the future. Irene was growing on her, but the memories her face and startling blue eyes brought everyday were not lessening. Kai wanted her to stay and finally be the family they had so desperately wanted so many years ago, but much had changed. She could smile and laugh, thinking of her adoptive father George's saying to live for today but look forward to tomorrow, but it was not a natural thing- Saya worked hard for happiness. She struggled more than she let on.

After every long night Saya spent dwelling on memories, Kai would mention that she must have had a tough night. Saya's responses to his observations were always vague, and for the most part they had been happy for the few weeks she'd been awake. Kai teased her about looking like his daughter, and people constantly asked if she and Irene were twins.

Saya didn't sleep anymore. Julia had discovered a formula, with the help of Irene's blood work, which would prevent her body from the necessity of sleep. As great as it was not to be thinking about the limit on her time, Saya had a lot of time to herself at night time. Often she would sit on the roof, as she did tonight, and watch, think and feel. The watching was the easiest, the world was full of hustle and bustle and even night in Okinawa is filled with enough to keep Saya's mind busy. The problem was when her mind began to wander.

Saya knew it was going to be a long night and decided to borrow Kai's motorcycle and head to the beach. The drive was beautiful and serene; with barely any cars on the road she let her gaze wander to the moonlight shinning off the ocean. Parking the bike at the top of the hill she walked down the stairs to the beach and sat in the sand. She sat and watched the ocean move, listened to the tide filter in and out; she pulled a dried pink rose out of her pocket, one that had a blue ribbon tied around it.

No one had mentioned the rose to her after Irene had given it to Saya the day she'd woken up. It was silly to think that people were careful about exactly what they talked about with her, and though she was by far the oldest she was the one who had had the least time to heal and accept what had happened. A silent tear dropped down her cheek as she stared at the rose, and for the first time since awakening she allowed herself to think his name, to speak his name.

"Haji" She whispered in a pained tone and at last allowed herself to grieve the loss of her chevalier, her friend and constant companion. He's said he loved her, had always loved her. Saya permitted herself to go back to the first thoughts she'd had upon waking up weeks ago, the memories of the life she shared with her first chevalier. Every time she'd awaken, except these past two times, he'd been there, almost every day the last few years he'd been there, her shadow and silent savior. Her guardian angel. Yet all he'd ever done was let her make her own decisions, excluding that last day.

The last day she saw him he told her to live, though she should have died. He told her to leave, when she should have stayed and killed Amshel- she should have saved him. He told her he loved her, and she couldn't respond to his confession but for a kiss. It had probably been a hundred year over due kiss, except for those of exchanged blood, the kiss that had carried Saya back into the place of hope in her mind, the place that wanted her and Kai, Diva's daughters and Haji all to live together. It was a dreamland, that place of hope, and it died shortly after the kiss. Along with Haji.

Tears running down her face she remembered how Kai had told her, before she'd fallen asleep again, that Haji would be back. She remembered the desire she'd had to believe him, and yet the memories, him losing his arm, being crushed under the rocks and the Met being bombed, had killed all the hope in her. That's the part of Saya that was still missing, the optimistic part. As much as Kai could still make her laugh, as much as the people she'd known before still cared for her, it was not enough. Saya wasn't sure it would ever be enough to fill the hole.

A week ago Saya had heard Julia and her daughter Lauren considering the possibility of Saya creating another chevalier so she and Irene might have someone else with them through the years. Julia's daughter Lauren was a very perceptive woman, she was the one who had made the comment that it seemed a part of Saya had never recovered from the traumas of the past. Lauren had been the one to suggest that if anyone made a chevalier it should be Irene, because emotionally Saya didn't appear to be ready to have someone else with her, watching over her, always there.

_Lauren was right_, Saya thought to herself as she wiped the tears off her cheeks then stood back up in the sand, _I couldn't handle it being __**someone else**__._

She sighed and decided it was time to go back to see the tomb and channel some of her questions, frustrations and sadness at George; he had been the one with all the answers as long as she had known him. He told her to smile, he told her to be optimistic and always to hope- and yet Saya failed at all but the smiling. She did not live for the future anymore.

Upon reaching the top of the tomb Saya sat in the middle on the platform and commenced her conversation with the stars.

"It seems I have changed yet again, changed into someone I can't say I am familiar with. It's an odd thing, being able to laugh and smile around people but feeling empty and alone, hollow. Like a piece, or three, of me is missing. Dad, I miss you. It's ridiculous that I should feel this way, especially after all the people who are still around accept me so openly. I feel like I really need someone to smack some sense into me. I don't want to worry people; I don't want them to waste their short lives concerning themselves with my troubles instead of their joys.

"Riku, you daughter is beautiful and sweet and kind. She's also got a serious problem with sarcasm; I think she spent too much time with Kai growing up. I'm sorry I couldn't help you in the end, I'm sorry that my attempt to keep you alive caused you pain and then made you a target for more pain. But mostly I'm sorry you're not here."

Saya paused and took a deep breath, picturing Haji in her mind, and closed her eyes.

"Haji, so much is not the same without you here. Your absence doesn't affect the others like it does me, I can tell. You were a part of me, my blood, my knight, my friend, and my chevalier. It seems no matter how hard I try I cannot rid myself of the half of my heart you still possess. I wonder why I never noticed before exactly how vital you were to my survival, not just your protection but your companionship. I realize now how much that all meant, how much everything you did- keeping me healthy, keeping me strong and keeping me sane- made you as much a part of my life as my soul is. Without it I am hollow, living a life, but a meaningless life. Surviving and yet not living; I think all the joy in my soul went with you."

Slowly Saya tilted her head back and reopened her eyes so she could stare up at the starry sky,

"It seems I might have loved you since I first met you too."

Glancing at the moon, almost done setting, Saya figured it was about time to go home. Unsurprisingly she was feeling a lighter hearted. The observation about love had just come, and it felt right. The burden was still there, but at least the truth about her life was out there. As Saya stood to go a pink rose caught her attention by the entrance to her tomb, blinking she walked over and picked it up. A blue ribbon was tied around the stem, just as the one sitting here two weeks ago had been. Glancing back up at the sky Saya smiled at the stars.

"Thank you Haji."

Walking slowly down all the stairs, her attention very focused on the perfect pink rose and her fingers running up and down the silky ribbon, Saya tripped on the very last stair and with a sound of surprised shifted so the rose would not get crushed on her way to the ground. A pair of hands grabbed her and set her up straight and Saya found herself face to face with her dreams and her nightmares. The face she saw everywhere she went and yet thought she'd never see it again.

"Haji"

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For minutes Saya had simply stared up at him in shock and disbelief. The rose fell out of her hand and Haji picked it up, offering it out to her. The familiar gesture of Haji taking care of her sent Saya over the edge. She burst into sobs and fell forward into his arms, it had been like this in Paris years ago, falling apart and needing Haji to help he be strong. He picked her up and carried her back to where her motorcycle was, by the beach. He sat down on the top of the stairs, where she had looked up at him as he played his cello and begged him to tell her what she was. Memories like that one, little ones set off by little things, were coming back to her as she sat buried in Haji's lap and cried.

Many minutes later, when sobs faded away, Saya pulled back from his now soaked-by-tears jacket sleeve and looked up at him with red puffy eyes and a hopeful, stricken face.

"Haji, it's really you? Are you really here?" Saya searched his eyes, those blue eyes she would have known anywhere, for something substantial. Haji's arms tightened briefly around her and he wiped the stray tears from her eyes with a human hand. Saya froze and she continued to look up at him with questions written all over her face,

"Haji, after everything that happened to you, you are still here. How can that be?"

"I told you that you were my reason for being, I am your chevalier and as long as you shall live I will be by your side. Regardless of whether you travel the world with your sword or settle somewhere to live, I will be with you."

Saya looked up from inside his arms and set a severe expression on her face,

"You will not leave me again."

"As you wish, Saya."

She looked up at him, really looked at him, for the first time. As close to his face as she was, curled up in the comfort in his arms, she could see the tension in his face. He looked tired, though she knew that was impossible. _It's probably just weariness after so many years_. She was not sure what to say; after all the talking she had done to the sky seeing him actually took her by surprise and she forgot all the important things to say. After assuring herself he was here and not going to leave her Saya didn't know how to start a conversation. Content for the moment just to be in her chevalier's arms, she curled into him.

Saya felt Haji's muscles tense as she buried herself deeper into his chest, then his arms closed around her tighter. He seemed perfectly happy not to talk, unsurprising since he had never been particularly chatty, but it unnerved her now. Saya felt so vulnerable, ridiculous because he didn't even know how she felt. _He doesn't know how I feel_, the thought dawned upon her, her own epiphany. Before she could do anything about it Haji asked,

"How long have you been awake Saya?"

"A little over two weeks; I don't sleep anymore." At a silently raised eyebrow Saya expanded, "Julia has been working for to find a way to prevent my need for the long sleep, and she thinks she's done it. I just can't sleep at all anymore, like you."

"I would be glad if you would not sleep so long anymore, it gets difficult to pass such a large amount of time without you." Haji shifted her out of his lap and onto the stair beside him, pulling his cello out of its case. "I have practiced the song Saya; I think it is finally right."

She missed the warmth of his body and shivered, then began to draw his bow across the strings and she shivered for a whole different reason. He was right, it was perfect. Listening to the song put Saya in such a peaceful state of mind, this was a song she thought would never be heard again, and Haji's playing had always brought her such pleasure. Time seemed to stand still and Saya listened to the roar of the ocean and the music of their existence together. When Haji played the final note he glanced over at her and she smiled at him,

"Haji, it was beautiful."

He nodded and slipped the cello back into its case and when his hands closed one the clasps to lock it closed Saya's hands found his. He looked up at her briefly before latching the case and she took his hands in hers.

"Haji, I'm not sure how things are going to change again, but they are going to change. If I never sleep again we will have an eternity before us without much to do. Irene, Diva's only daughter still alive, will live forever too, but it's just us." Saya smiled at him with eyes that caught the glow of the twinkling stars, "If we plan to start sharing and eternity together as of tonight, I'd say there might be something I should get out in the open."

Haji nodded at her and opened his mouth to speak but Saya slipped a finger over his lips, "If I ever get a chance to speak my mind, let it be now. Every moment I thought you were gone, even in my sleep, I missed you. My soul ached for a part of me I hadn't realized was a necessity to live. And then I realized it wasn't just my soul that needed you near." Saya brought their clasped hands to her chest. "Haji you were first a friend and companion, bringing me happiness for many years. Then you were a chevalier, protecting and guiding me though my life. Those parts of my life are over now, and I need something else from you."

"Whatever you wish, Saya." Haji murmured.

"I need my love, I need the man who took away the piece of my heart over thirty years ago, and I need my companion, friend, knight and love with me always. No part of me can exist without the other parts, and Haji, you are a part of me."

Haji stole a gasp from Saya as he grabbed her back into his lap and held her close,

"I told you I would always love you, I told you I would never leave. You have me forever Saya. Every day of forever I will be here."

He drew back and they gazed into each other's eyes, a pair destined to have been together all of their very long lives, and the as the gap between their faces closed Saya let out a sigh of relief. The wholeness she had not been able to find and the hollow inside her, both were filled in a rush upon the meeting of lips. Saya gasped and leaned into Haji, her Haji. It felt like an amazing, blissful dream. Saya only hoped, prayed, that she was not still sleeping.

It felt so right, so essential to be in Haji's arms, and Saya had no intention of leaving them. Haji carried Saya down the stairs and laid her in the sand before closing down on top of her. Smiling Saya looked up at Haji with a dreamy look on her face and admitted, "Haji, I love you so very much."

"Saya," He breathed out a relieved sound, a happy, exalting sound as he looked down at her, "queen to my chevalier and woman to my man, I want to be your husband. Please, say you'll be my bride. An eternity with the woman I love would be a type of paradise I never imagined."

Saya stopped breathing and looked at the handsome man lying above her. Neither of them was fully human, neither would die and neither would survive too long without the other. She reached up and slipped the blue ribbon tying Haji's hair out and slid it between her fingers, like she'd done with the roses' ribbon. His hair cascaded down between them, silky black satin, and Saya smiled as she leaned up to his lips,

"I would be the happiest woman alive to be your bride." Saya grinned blissfully, "You know you couldn't get rid of me if you tried anymore, right?" Saya grinned.

Haji's happiness came out in the form of one of his rare smiles, the beautiful twist to his stoic lips, and said lips returned to hers, occupied keeping his true love, his queen and his best friend with him.

Nothing would try to tear them apart again, because nothing ever could.

*~~*~*~~*

**A/N: Well it ended up two chapters, longer than I'd anticipated. I suppose this was the suppressed romantic in me making sure my favorite characters got their story completed properly. I attempted to keep the characters in character… how'd I do?**

**I'd really like to know what you all think! Aka REVIEW- Thanks :D**


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